Some light-hearted reading for a freezing-cold Wednesday night.All these ai-generated insights to everything in the world might very well take over my job as league blogologist one day but until then, you are stuck with this guy’s tales from the weeks that were.

Master’s Bruins Dale Brons sat in the penalty box so much over this past weekend, he actually tried ordering some pickle fries from the bar but Mary refused to deliver them. A first for SCOHA, ladies and gentlemen.

United Division:

Flyers 8 Oilers 5: The Oilers got folded up like a KFC chicken Caesar wrap, courtesy of the Flyers 8-5 victory. Put it this way, gang: The ever-evolving law firm of Haslam, Haslam and Haslam accounted for 5 goals and 3 assists, combining to triple-handedly take care of things themselves out there. A bright spot for the Oilers was Shawn James who notched a pair of goals, so did spare Nathaniel Bellhumeur.

Blackhawks 2 Redwings 2: The 2nd return of Paul McGraw as a spare in the Blackhawks lineup paid dividends as the Hawks and Redwings skated to a 2-2 saw-off. Kevin “Busta Rhyme” Scime and Johnny Hockey scored for the Hawks while Denis “Papa Whit” Whitwell and Doug Moulton replied for the Wings. Redwings goalkeeper Brad Ballman continued nursing a lower-body injury so Jonas Scott filled in this week. Thanks to not only Jonas but all the spares that have helped out this year so far. That Mike Miscio ain’t no slouch out there, he can still skate like when you throw a paper airplane with the wind.

Sharks 7 Bruins 3: Ron Cybulski and Duane “big game” Marzi both dropped deuces as the Sharks bit into the Bruins 7-3 on a cold, blustery Friday evening at the rink. This was the SCOHA Cable14 Game of the Week and although it was a bit of a flop, the Bruins still tried their best despite several key players missing. This Marzi kid will be expecting a big raise this off-season, not sure if GM Fudge Cromwell will be able to re-sign him. We will talk to the sniper next week and find out of there is any progress with a contract extension or if he will play the free-agent field in the summer.

Masters Division:

Stars 5 Redwings 3: Warren DeForest (pronounced De-For-Ay?) scored a pair of Lemieux-like goals as the Stars shined up the Redwings 5-3. In captain Chris Barratto’s absence due to the Ice Capades show at the old Saltfleet Arena, Eric Sippel subbed in admirably, scoring a highlight-reel goal just as Chris Barratto would’ve if he was there. Wings were down 4 players but still managed to keep things close. Dave “The Legend” Langille scored a pair and was named the Redwings “Red Rooster Wing of the Night”.

Blackhawks 8 Flyers 2: This one went pear-shaped in a hurry, folks. Steve Smith continued his rampage on all Masters teams by scoring a hatty in front of an announced crowd of 8. Scott Maki added to the nonsense with a goal and 2 hamburger helpers. Ted “smart alek” Marszalek turned away 16 shots for the big win in the nets while Darren Joliffe scored a breathtaking goal for the Flyers in a losing cause.

Penguins 5 Sharks 3: Despite missing Bill Curran, Gary Guthro and Bob “Happy” Ballantyne from the lineup, the Pens still drew up a 5-3 win over the Sharks. Al “here I am at camp” Granata scored twice for the Penguinos while Paul “I can see” Cleary chipped in with 3 assists. Paul can set them up, fire them home or even play shutdown guy, and has zero intentions of hanging up his twirlers, folks. For the Sharks, Dennis Haradyn, Ed Aitcheson and Jason Anderson (no relation to Pam) scored in a losing cause.

Bruins 1 Kings 1: I don’t care what you say, this was a defensive battle for the ages. As previously mentioned, Dale Brons got to know the timekeeper a bit better with his 3 penalties but Terry “hitman” Hughes sat for 4 minutes, must’ve had crispy-skinned bass for dinner. Good news is that Hughes may be called up to the Wichita Magnets if their injury-bug doesn’t settle down. A reward for Terry’s consistent play of late. Steve Horner and Mike “Merry” Christenson scored for their respective hockey clubs.

Anyways, the Nutty Chocolatier Worker of the Week award goes to Masters Flyers Ed Walton. The Dusseldorf, Germany native once pushed his team bus 4 blocks to make their game. He made it but realized the game was down at Gateway but still, the thought was there. This guy shows up every week and never takes a shift off. His perseverance away from the puck is second to none and he is a proven leader on and off the ice. He is 4 goals behind Gary Unger for all-time goals and sits 10th all-time in SCOHA penalty minutes. A true veteran Ed is.

That wraps up another blender of a week that was in Scohaville. No United games this weekend but a slew of Masters games Sunday that will aim to please fans from all over the damn place. Have a great rest of the week and keep your stick on the ice.

Chris Marttila

SCOHA Blogologist

There were only 5 games this past weekend due to the Grey Cup. Others got to rest some bumps and bruises which isn’t a bad thing. Special thanks to the face of Swedish men’s hockey, Terry Hughes who joined us on the podcast last week to talk about the good ol’ days of SCOHA and some of the antics that some of the veterans carried out over the years.

BREAKING NEWS: The 2024 SCOHA Golf Tournament is nailed down for June 1, 2024 at King’s Forest. $185 gets you golf, cart, lunch and a damn good dinner along with prizes and copious amounts of laughs! More details to follow.

Also, the Old Fools Tournament returns April 19th and 20th (Fri/Sat) so start thinking about entering a team, always a fun time…

So let’s get right to the rumour swirling that SCOHA will play a few games in Japan next year as part of a Global Series to get more fans to follow SCOHA but league commissioner Terry Gudgeon quickly squashed those silly thoughts. “Not likely… ever.” Guess that’s why they call them rumours. Ever eat Chinese food then go to hockey? Never have, never will. That would sit in your stomach like a block of cheese the size of a car battery. At any rate, let’s peel the onion back from the week that was in Scohaville.

Welcome back, folks. This first blog of the season is brought to you by scrapbooking stores. I mean how many customers do they get in a week? maybe 8? Anyways, this season is a marathon, not a sprint as some genius once said 800 years ago. I refuse to continue this blog without voicing my displeasure with the climate protesters that forced a delay of 20 minutes by sitting at centre ice. We ask Guy Shaver and Dale Brons to leave their politics at home and let us play the damn game we all love. Thank you.